i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
