Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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