i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
