so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
