yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
