the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
