Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Found the puke drawer
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
