My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
