He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
