Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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