i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
