I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
