i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
