Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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