I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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