You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
