Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
