I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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