Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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