oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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