I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
