I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
