New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
