Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
being pregnant is like rehab
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
