he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
