Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
