Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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