i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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