My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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