god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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