i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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