I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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