Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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