So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
