how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
