That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
