i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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