just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
nutella sex= disaster
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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