She is in my trunk
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
