legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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