Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
