I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
