I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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