i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
