I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
