you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
