Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
