everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
