Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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