i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
