I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
