No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
